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Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella, waiting for it to rain




It's been another hectic weekend with my family, but they are the weekends I love the most! 

I was able to have a lovely evening with the fiancé, and a full night of sleep thanks to my amazing sister for having the kids. 

At the moment I find a lot of my time is spent worrying about anything and everything... well I say at the moment but worry seems to be a recurrent factor of my life. I'm always waiting for disaster to strike, worrying about things such as health, money, family, other people's judgment. 

Being an adult is exhausting, there's always something to do, and something to worry about.

At the moment I'm worrying about the simplest of things that wouldn't even phase most people. Social events, driving, and certain people are all triggers for me when it comes to overthinking and worry.

I think I'm becoming less of a 'people person' as my tolerance levels for people seems to be getting lower and lower. 

Sounds miserable right? In a world where everyone wants to be a popular people person with good relationships, here I am happy in my own bubble with my closest friends and family and I find it hard to venture out of that. Looking at my photos you wouldn't think that I worry as much as I do, but a picture certainly doesn't tell the whole story of somebody's life. 

But why do I worry so much...

My worst trait is that I worry so much about what others think of me, but maybe I'm judging myself harder than anyone else is. Quite honestly, when I get down time now I have a select few people I want to spend the time with. These are people who make me feel good about myself and don't make me doubt my every move. I also find social interactions awkward, over-whelming, and anxiety provoking. I always worry I've said the wrong thing, or on the other hand I won't know what to talk about! I worry that I won't have anything interesting to say and that people will find me boring. 

I suppose nobody looks forward to handling difficult situations, but it doesn't have to ruin your day. I think we can all learn to become more open to conversation and conflict since not all conflict is inherently bad.  

The fact is in life, we are always going to encounter difficult people and difficult situations, and we cannot be liked by everybody. Is there ever actually a period of time where absolutely everything is perfect? Does the perfect life or perfect person even exist?

I find that I live in the future a lot of the time, rather than living in the present, and I'm constantly worrying about 'what could happen', and 'what people might think'. 

In the end, whatever is going to happen, will happen, whether we worry or not, and it is certainly true when they say, worry often gives a small thing a great shadow!

The people in my life will know that I'm a person who needs constant reassurance and support, and I'm lucky enough to have such an amazing circle of family and friends who give this to me- so thank you to you all!  


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