Skip to main content

Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line...


 Self Love and Motherhood

As I hurtle towards my thirties at an alarming pace, I've realised every one of us needs to show how much we care for each other and in the process, care for ourselves. Women are being divided up in the middle- you're either a woman who has a child, or not. When someone becomes a mum, we erase her identity, and as a mother it sure is easy to lose yourself. It almost feels like unless you're doing something for your child, you are no longer valued as a person. You're not the friend you once were, you're not the employee you once were, you're not as good as you used to be, because you have a child. But that couldn't be further from the truth.  

Self love is a mother's secret weapon. 

It was towards the end of 2019 when I really started suffering with my anxiety. In 2020, things just got worse and worse. Lockdowns, and COVID, really bought out the worst in people, and I just became too scared to leave the house. It wasn't because I was scared of COVID, it was because I couldn't cope with what it had turned people into! I really think TV series like 'The Walking Dead', or 'The Last of Us', portrays the human race perfectly amidst a crisis. People just become opinionated, selfish, and arrogant. The government has also ran the country to the ground but I won't bore you with my opinion on politics.

Nobody really knew the extent of how much I was suffering with my mental health, except for my partner Josh, and children. As well as COVID, anxiety, stress, car accidents, and financial worries, I was also having trouble with some friendships, and it all tipped me over the edge. I just felt so lonely. 

Josh really was my everything back then. I never thought that the person who almost destroyed me in the past would be the person who saved me in my time of need. Even though I nag, I shout, and I annoy both Josh and the kids on a daily basis, they are always my biggest fans. Nobody loves me more than them, and I will always be grateful for them. 

I felt like I lost myself, and even now I am in the process of finding who I was again.

For a short period of time I deleted social media. Don't you think that social media is training us to compare our lives instead of appreciating everything we are? I really do think that a social media detox is sometimes good for the soul!

Over time, I slowly gained a little bit of confidence. Besides, the most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence right? It really is a superpower!  

Today I had a long drive out which I was nervous about, but I did it, and while I was driving listening to my music I just felt a strange feeling of Deja vu. Almost like I had felt that exact feeling before and it felt good. I felt a bit of confidence that I had lost. I still wonder where that part of me is who modelled for a gymwear company, who walked a catwalk in a bikini, who would drive anywhere and everywhere without a second thought. I do miss the old me, but I need to learn to love, and be proud of who I am now. 

We need to remember to believe in ourselves, our abilities, and our potential. Never let self doubt hold you captive. You are worthy of all that you dream of and all that you hope for.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Almost a Year On: The Day My Life Changed Forever

The last time I wrote here, I was navigating life as a new mother, learning how to balance my identity with the needs of my children, my career, and my relationships. I felt stretched in every direction- but I also felt secure. I thought I knew who I was building a future with. I thought I knew what came next. I  thought I knew what my future looked like. But nearly a year ago, my world was turned upside down. And now, nearly a year later, I feel ready to tell the story of how my world fell apart- and how I’ve slowly begun to rebuild it. The Beginning of the End There wasn’t one single moment that ended it all- more a slow, silent unraveling that started with a gut instinct I couldn’t shake. In the weeks leading up to what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, things started to feel…off. The man I loved became distant. Cold. He disappeared at strange hours, offered no real answers, and moved through life like I wasn’t even there. The more I tried to hold things to...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Quiet, Messy, Magical Reality of Being a Woman in Your Thirties

There’s a funny thing about being a woman in your thirties. You grow up thinking it will all make sense by now. That your thirties are where the pieces come together, the chaos settles, and you finally arrive . But if you're anything like me- and so many of us- you’ve realised the truth is quieter, more complicated, and far more beautiful than anyone ever warned you. Some of the biggest wins in your thirties come with no applause. Letting go of a person, a dream, or a timeline that no longer fits doesn’t always look like a crisis- it can look like getting out of bed when your heart is heavy. It can look like cooking for one, deleting the number, unfollowing someone who once meant the world, or finally learning to say "no" without guilt. These moments rarely make it onto Instagram, but they matter. Deeply. In a world that constantly tells us where we “should” be by now- married, with children, climbing the ladder, owning property- it’s easy to feel behind. You scroll and...
Post a Comment
Read more

You Can Be Both- The Reality of Motherhood and Ambition

There’s this persistent lie that women have been told- that we have to choose. That we can be either a good mother or a career woman. That we can succeed at home or succeed at work. That motherhood should clip our wings instead of giving us new ones. I used to think that once you had children, you had to stop chasing your dreams. That your world was meant to shrink- to revolve only around bottles, routines, and nursery runs. But I’ve learned that motherhood doesn’t mean the end of your identity. In fact, it’s where mine was redefined. I’ve lived through that lie- felt the shame of wanting more, the guilt of not doing enough, the exhaustion of trying to do everything. I’ve cried in the car, broken down in the shower, smiled through tears, and still got up the next day to keep going. I’ve faced heartache, trauma, loneliness, and immense pressure. But I never gave up. Because I had a dream, and because I had children who depended on me- not just to survive, but to show them what’s pos...
Post a Comment
Read more